I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
