She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
