I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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