girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
