my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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