i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she pinky promised me she was 18
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
