Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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