all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
