Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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