I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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