Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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