Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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