News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
