oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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