sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
