People in love make me want to vomit
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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