I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
