is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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