I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
