I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
