My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
