the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
