I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
