thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
