So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
