shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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