Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
