so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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