We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
