everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
this hospital has no fireball
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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