I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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