Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
