Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i think i just lost a toe
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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