Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
