im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
