I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
