Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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