(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The adults are the big ones right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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