Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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