If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
