Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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