i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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