he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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