After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
