I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
