Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
