i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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