You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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