Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
