put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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